Need sex. Gaining weight.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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