wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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