He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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