I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
