whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
