I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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