john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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