she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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