Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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