My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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