she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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