I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
