all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
