Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
