its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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