Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
