Too much gin, very little bucket
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
