I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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