I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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