Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
