just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
