omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bring me that man meat
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize