Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
