Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm passing your future prison.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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