I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
