'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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