She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
