My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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