that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
