Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
