Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fuck appropriateness.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
