she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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