My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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