this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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