Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
