god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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