He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
