You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
