I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
