My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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