He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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