I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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