I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize