she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
