okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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