He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
