The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
