I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
