If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
