where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
