if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
