of course. lets lasso hookers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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