my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
