in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
