currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
