oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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