I seem to have left my pride at pride
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
