If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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