Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
