I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
