Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize