clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
