So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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