you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
