why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
