dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
