I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
