I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
