matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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