I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The air taste purple.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
