worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
