giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
