Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
