Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
