i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
