there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
