Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Soap is not a condiment
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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